At the Stock Show

Well we made it to the Ft Worth Stock Show....parking lot:-) Yes, we arrived at 1:00 pm. (It takes awhile to pack for 5 kids and 2 adults:-/ ) It's now almost 5:00 pm and we are probably at least an hour from getting into the barn. Luckily we came prepared, but it doesn't make waiting in the suburban with 5 kids any easier. We have computers, DVD players, food, drinks, pillows, phones, toys, books (Rachel is now on the 2nd book in the Chronicles of the Kings series), ipods and Rebekah is dutifully working on her homework, Ms Ali:-) She's such a good student! Rebekah has been taking pictures of all the stock trailers in the parking lot because this is a "you must see it to believe it" moment/hour. So MAYBE we'll get to our hotel before 10:00, we'll see. I called about the boys this morning and Josiah was getting a new "convertible" bed. He will be in the open crib now. AND the nurse told me I could bring them some clothes because they are having to regulate their own temp!!! I can't tell you how excited this made me. I really don't know why, other than it seems like such a big step and less things will be attached to them. Oh my! The reality that they will be coming home soon is beginning to sink in! We are probably still a month away, but STILL! I know I've had twin babies at home before but that was before "Advanced Maternal Age" was present. Can I do this? Will I be able to stay awake during the middle of the night feedings and not drop them????? What if they have problems? What if THEY won't stay awake during their feedings?? (We used to put ice on Rachel's foot to wake her up because she would fall asleep) Oh My Word!! OK, panic attack is over. I know I can do these things and more with God right beside me holding my hand (and my head when I get sleepy) for he hasn't given me a spirit of fear! Philippians 4:13! So hopefully we will get to go see them tomorrow and get the results of Gideon's neuro scan straight from the doctor himself. I'll let you know. And, yes, we're still in the parking lot:-)

BIG Boys!!

Gideon finally hit 3 lbs 1 oz!! He is such a big boy! He is also no longer on the "Darth Vader" mask, he is on the canula! Woo-Hoo! He is doing great too, only at 25-30% oxygen. Josiah is a little piggy. They increased his feeds to 32 cc's and he now weighs 3 lbs 11 ozs! They also increased his caffeine! Seriously?? I don't think he needs any more:-) He'll be hooked on coffee before he comes home from the hospital! In my mind, I think I know what the caffeine is for, but not sure I can explain it right, so I'll get back to you on that. When we got to the hospital Saturday, the nurse wanted us to come look at Josiah. He has rolled up blankets all around him and it looks like he's in a boat. He was flopped out hanging over the side of his boat with his leg hanging out the bottom. When I held Josiah, he stayed awake most of the time and began rooting when he got hungry and loved his pacifier! The nurse said those are all signs he is beginning to get ready to eat from a bottle. She also said it could take up to a month for them to master eating from the bottle and continuing to gain weight. They will be 7 weeks old tomorrow, so maybe we are halfway to bringing them home!

Great Expectations

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Yeah, that was as far as I got in THAT book (and I may have it backwards). Anyway, that pretty much sums up life around here. The BEST is that I finally got to hold my Gideon!!!! He loved it too. He went right to sleep:-) I have that effect on people:-) The nurse put a heated blanket on him to keep him warm and the alarm on his bed went off, "Baby Too Hot". So we took that one off and put on a non-heated blanket- his temperature went up again. So we just let him hang out in his diaper! Guess I put off too much heat...that's why I'm always freezing.  Then Josiah's nurse wrapped him up and gave him to me. I got to hold them both at the same time!! Finally, reunited after 6 1/2 weeks! They truly have red hair. How does THAT happen??? Their great-grandfathers influence! So funny! Gideon did not have a brain scan this week. The doctors put it off until next week. The nurse and I agreed this was a good sign. Gideon weighs 2 lbs 15 ozs. He is down to 30% on his oxygen so he's finally getting the hang of the mask. Josiah is doing amazing on his canula. He weighs 3 lbs 8 ozs. They both look so much bigger already! The other BEST is that the suburban has been running for 3 days straight! Woo-Hoo!!! It even got us to Dallas and back last night.
The WORST is that Snoopy (the dog) is no longer with us. He figured out how to get the "cone of shame" off and no matter how many plastic sacks I put around his splint, he got them off. SO his leg got infected. It was not pretty. I took him to the vet for them to look at it and I'm afraid I was blubbering like an idiot when I left. I'm not even an animal person. I'm allergic to cats, I don't really get attached to dogs and the steers....well we know where they end up:-) So I think it was just one of those days. Anyway, I won't be showing my face in there for a while. They probably think I'm a little unstable!
I am thankful for the gift of everyday our boys have, because they get stronger each day. Thank you everyone for your prayers!

Suburban STILL for sale (or a bad country song)

Today we took the oldest four kids with us to Dallas for Rachel's labwork and to see the babies (or for 3 of them, the waiting room). We stopped in Rockwall to eat lunch at El Chico and we had the best time. I laughed more than I have laughed in the past 3 months! My kids are pretty amazing (at least I think so) and funny. I'm sure the folks around us weren't too happy that we laughed and giggled all through lunch, but that's okay. I couldn't help but just study them and thank God for the blessing of each one of them and for the stage that they are at right now. I know too well how quickly it will go by. Anyway, by the time we did Rachel's bloodwork at Scottish Rite and got over to Baylor, we didn't have a lot of time, but I did get to hold Josiah for a few minutes. He is on the canula. Yea!!! I can see his whole face and head. He smiled at me too:-) Sweet baby boy! He weighs 3 lbs 3 ozs. They are beginning to talk about feeding him with a bottle and once he masters that, we will talk about bringing him home. WOW! Gideon is still on the mask. He is doing much better. His oxygen levels were staying between 30-35%. Much better! He still weighs 2 lbs 12 ozs. Both eye exams were fine for now and will be repeated in 2 weeks. On the way back to town, we swung by the house to pick up the suburban because Rob wanted to get the alternator replaced. He was getting warning signs that it might be about to go out. He and Rebekah hopped in the suburban and I headed to town to take Aaron to his basketball game and pick up Isaac. I got almost into town before Rob called and said they were on the side of Hwy 11:-) Really??? Three strikes and you're gone, suburban!! This is 2! Even though, it always manages to get us off the road and to a safe place. Thank you, Lord! Our guardian angels are earning some overtime! All we could do is laugh when I told Rob it's like a country song: my babies are in the hospital, my dog's got a broke leg and my car left me on the side of the road! Laughter is like a medicine;-)

So far, so good

Well, I did not get to hold Gideon yet. He is still off the vent, but he is having to work very hard and his settings are at the max they can be. The doctor is trying to keep him off the vent so he tweaked the settings a little. SO for now we are off. Our prayer is that he will be able to stay off...we shall see. They will let me hold him when he is more stable. Just talked to the nurse and she said he is doing okay. It's still a possibility that he might have to go back on the vent, but he's holding his own right now. They did a chest Xray this morning and it looked good. Josiah is up to 28 cc's with his feeds and his nurse for tonight is not happy with him AT ALL.  He has pulled out his feeding tube 3 times since 6:00 pm. I think once was when the feed was taking place and made a mess in his bed:-) She said she can't keep his hands away from everything. That boy is going to wear us out! I can already picture the trouble that he and Isaac will get into! Good news for Josiah: the nurse said he might get to move to an oxygen canula (prongs in his nose) tomorrow! He has done so good on the mask. Both boys have eye exams tomorrow and Gideon will have a brain scan Wednesday. Please continue to pray for Gideon that his lungs get stronger and he can stay off the vent and that the brain scan goes well and shows improvement. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to be released to go back to work :-( and Rachel has blood work at Scottish Rite. Busy day and we'll swing by to see the boys too!

Off the vent...

Great answer to prayer: Gideon is off the vent!! However, please continue to pray for him that he can stay off of it. He is currently having to have 56% oxygen whereas Josiah is at room air which is 21%. The nurses have prepared us to have the vent put back on, just in case. Hopefully I can hold him tomorrow, no matter what happens. If they put him back on the vent it will be a different one and I should still get to hold him. He will have another brain scan on Wednesday. Josiah is doing great. He hit 3 lbs 1 oz today!!! He is doing great on his oxygen levels. Hopefully we will get to go see them tomorrow after Samuel's basketball game. The suburban is fixed and back at home. Yea!!! The dog is hobbling around in his cast and his "cone of shame." This is what Rebekah called the thing around his head - from the movie "Up". I thought she made it up and cracked up! So of course that is what we call it now. Poor Snoopy! He is very smart. If he can't reach his food bowl, he will pick it up and move it closer to his mouth inside the "cone of shame."

Answers

Answer to prayer!!! Gideon's brain scan was slightly improved. This is good news! Thank you Lord! Now the doctor will keep track of his head circumference to decide when to do the next scan. If his head size remains normal, he will wait 2 weeks. This is all to determine that the fluid in his brain is draining as it should. Josiah's scan was fine. They will continue to move Gideon towards coming off the vent and are moving Josiah towards getting off his mask. The doctor is very pleased with their progress and once again they went up on their feeds. Gideon is at 24 cc's and Josiah is at 25 cc's. Today was the last day for Gideon to receive antibiotic and the nurse said he has had very little secretions when she suctions him. So he got his IV out (again). Hopefully we will get to go see them tomorrow night!

Another answered prayer: The suburban is fixed! Yea!

A third answered prayer: The dog's leg can be saved! I was really surprised when the vet said he could set it and splint it and he should regain use of it. Wow! Normally we wouldn't have taken it to the vet, but I wanted to see what they would tell me. I really thought they would have to amputate it, but it wasn't as bad as it looked. Snoopy was hard to get in the car but once I did he rode to town well because he had his buddy Isaac. Isaac (my 3 year old) insisted on sitting beside Snoopy and petting him all the way to town. Snoopy just laid his head in Isaac's lap. At one point I looked back and they were nose to nose. I'm sure there was some deep conversation taking place:-)

So a better end to a week that started pretty bad! Just a reminder that God takes care of us through everything from babies to vehicles to pets. He is an awesome God!

Waiting....

We are waiting to hear from the doctor about the brain scans for both boys. I will pass that along as soon as we do. I went to see them yesterday. They are getting bigger. Gideon weighs 2 lbs 9 ozs and Josiah weighs 2 lbs 15 ozs! Josiah cried pretty loud yesterday (for him). It still wasn't really loud. He was having another one of his tantrums! Josiah's platelet count was elevated yesterday too. So we will wait to see what comes of that. The suburban is fixed! Yea! It was the fuel pump. I'm taking the dog to the vet this afternoon for them to tell me if they can do anything for his leg. Fun, Fun! Never a dull moment around here!

Suburban for Sale

A couple of songs have really ministered to me during this journey we are on. One of them is "Praise His Name" by Jeff and Sheri Easter:

When everything falls apart, Praise His Name

When you have a broken heart, raise your hands and say

Lord you're all I need, you're everything to me

And He'll take the pain away.

When it seems you're all alone, Praise His Name

When you feel you can't go on, just raise your hands and say

Greater is He, that is within me

And you can praise the hurt away.

Another one is "Blessings" by Laura Story:

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

So it was this first song that I was thinking of when we sat in the parking lot of a mobile home dealership off I30 where our suburban so kindly left us stranded. While traveling to Dallas to see the babies, we got to Caddo Mills and it began to spit and sputter. We began to slow down and were almost joined at the bumper by a bright orange 18-wheeler:-) It died just before we got to the exit, but we managed to coast DOWN the exit ramp (thank you Lord that it went downhill) and turn into a parking lot. My wonderful mother-in-law made the 40 minute trip to come and get us and we made it back home without getting to see the boys. While we were disappointed to not be able to get to see them, we were praising God that we were not on the side of I30 or in the middle of Dallas.

This was after I ran over our 7-month old border collie, Snoopy, while he was chasing me down the driveway. He is alive, but his back leg is broken.

Another song comes to mind, "Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said."

Anyway, I just called to check on the boys and they are both doing well. They both like to play a game with their nurses called: she tucks me in, I kick everything off:-) Josiah not only likes to pull out his feeding tube, he has learned how to reach up and mess up his oxygen mask, setting off the alarms. Gonna be a fun time when these boys come home!!!

Gaining weight

Just a quick update: We went to see the boys last night and Gideon looks so much better! His color was much better and he was more alert and active. The nurse today said he has had a good day and starting at midnight they will begin to wean him off the vent. They will check his blood gases and see how he has done, so, MAYBE he could be off the vent by the end of this week. He weighed 2 lbs 6 ozs!!! We could tell he had put on weight since early in the week. He will have another brain scan on Wed.  Josiah is doing very good. He weighed 2 lbs 13 ozs. and his oxygen level is at room air. I finally got to hear him cry! Yes, he was mad, but the pacifier took care of it (as long as I held it in his mouth). When I let go of it was when he got irritated:-) Yes, I did let go of it on purpose!! I wanted to hear his sweet little cry.....someone remind me of this in 6 months.

First Solo Visit

Friday the 13th was a good day for the boys:-) I got to go over and spend all morning with them. Josiah had just had a "bath" without his mask and the nurse said he did very well. I got to hold him on my chest skin-to-skin - much better than wrapped in blankets! He just snuggled up and slept. It was a lot like holding a puppy because he's about the same size and he would make little whimpering noises like a puppy. I got to hold him for more than an hour this time. So sweet! He did get a little bit irritated and make some louder noises after the nurse put him back in his bed. He had pulled his feeding tube out (AGAIN!) and the nurse figured out he really liked his pacifier without the feeding tube in his mouth so she put the feeding tube in his nose. Josiah may only be 2 lbs 10 ozs and 1 month old, but he WILL let you know when he doesn't like something and he did NOT like that tube down his nose! He is a little stinker! The doctor is very pleased with his progress and said we just need to fatten him up now. Gideon was looking much better today. I did get to hold his hand today. He does have pneumonia so they will change the antibiotic to one more specific to fighting that. He was more alert and active today and seemed to be feeling better. The doctor seemed to think we may be able to have him off the vent in a week. Thanks to everyone for their continued prayers! Funny story: As I was leaving the hospital, I got to the parking garage only to find that the elevators were not working (hopefully no one was on them). Of all days to park on the 5th floor!! Yes I had to hike up the stairs! Great exercise, but after 2 1/2 months of bedrest and another month of limited activity, my muscles were not happy about it:-) Lucky for me I had my Chick-Fil-A waffle fries to snack on all the way up! Hee-Hee.....this is similar to eating your candy bar with a Diet Coke isn't it??? They cancel each other out, don't they?!!

Finally!

We went to see the boys last night and I finally got to hold Josiah!!! FOR AN HOUR!! He's so tiny. He's doing really well on his new "Darth Vader" oxygen mask. They went up on his feeds again. The Dr told me Gideon does have an infection - they just still aren't sure if its pneumonia, a blood infection, or what. He's still getting antibiotics. His brain scan was a little worse this time, but the doctor was not surprised by this. He said it will usually get worse before it gets better and he is very optimistic that it will be better next week when they repeat the scan. He said it is not so much worse that they will have to drain anything or do surgery so he was very pleased with that. We will go back over Friday so maybe they will have results back regarding the infection.

30 weeks OR 1 month

Today the twins are 30 weeks (gestational age) and tomorrow they will be one month old! Hard to believe. We have had some milestones this week! Josiah is doing fabulous! They are taking him off the vent today!!! Yea!!! This means we should be able to hold him in a couple of days after they see he is stable. He will have to wear a CPAP mask now which still provides oxygen but he is doing the breathing himself. He also got his IV out! Josiah is now eating 22cc's - the same as Gideon - and doing very well. He was awake when we were there the other night and he doesn't care for all the tubes and wires and he was trying to get rid of them. Believe it or not, I can't wait to hear him cry! Gideon's neural ultrasound was done this morning, but the doctor hasn't had a chance to read it. She said she would call me when she did and I'll pass along the info as soon as I can. The doctor told me Gideon had an episode and they had to bump his oxygen to 50%. She doesn't know if he has had a lung collapse or if he has pneumonia. They are running labs now and will go ahead and start antibiotic just in case. Hopefully they'll have results back from that by the time we go over this evening. Keep up the prayers! They are appreciated!

4 weeks old!

Just a quick update on the boys. They are doing really well. Josiah weighed 2 lbs 9.6 ozs yesterday. His feeds are up to 17cc's and they should take out his last IV today. They have started weaning both boys off the vents. They could be off the vents by the end of the week or it could take 2 weeks just depending on how they tolerate it. Josiah was sleeping on his tummy Saturday and he's really beginning to fill out. Gideon weighed 2 lbs 2 ozs on Saturday. They have increased his feeds to 20 cc's. He has been spitting up some so they are feeding him over a 2 hour period. He did better yesterday, only spitting up once. They will be repeating his brain scan (neuro ultrasound) this Wed. When we got there Saturday, the nurse had the top off Gideon's bed so we got to "cuddle" with him for a short while. We can't hold them until they are off the vents. Just talked to the nurses and they have moved Josiah into the same room as Gideon! Yea! Josiah is having a good day. Gideon is going to have to have some blood today. His numbers were low. Their blood tests this morning were ok - good enough to leave the lower vent setting in place, but not good enough to lower it again.

Who Do I Trust?

Do you ever wonder when you're going through a trial: Is this because of sin in my life and God is using this time to draw me closer to Him OR Is God using this trial as a means of refining me and drawing me closer to Him? I have been wondering that a lot these past few months. But I guess what it boils down to is, either way, God will use this time to draw us closer to Him, if we let Him. So we have made a choice. I'll get to that in a minute. Last night, I called to check on the boys and the nurse transferred me to the doctor so he could give me an update. OH BOY! I love doctors and God has gifted them (whether they believe that or not) and we truly believe the boys are where they need to be receiving the best possible care. However, I do not enjoy talking to the doctors! I'm sure some parents NEED all the information they give, we don't, so much! He wanted to tell me that they had repeated the sonogram on the boys' brains to check for any bleeds. They did this the first week of their life and didn't really find anything. This was a repeat of the same thing. Josiah's was good-no evidence of any bleeds. Gideon's was not so good. They found evidence of a bleed that apparently occurred sometime between the first scan and this one. The doctors were surprised because this typically shows up within the first 3 days of birth. There is no treatment other than to observe and then repeat the scan in a week or two to see if the blood has gone away or not. The doctor then went on to tell me that this makes Gideon more at risk for developmental delays. BUT he also said some babies have delays, some do not, only time will tell. Here's what we know: God created these babies when we were not planning for them; God made 2 babies when the odds for having 2 sets of twins (one fraternal and one identical) is a little mind-blowing; God made them enter the world at 26 weeks because they were in jeopardy of not surviving; God placed us where we needed to be, when we needed to be there.....God's got this! We don't know the outcome, but God does and as Pastor Rhoades said last night: There's not a path you're walking down or will walk down that God hasn't walked down ahead of you. We may not know what lies ahead but God does because he's already been there to prepare the way. So will we choose to trust God for this journey or not? We make the choice to trust Him, whatever the outcome. Does that mean we're not scared or anxious at times? Absolutely not! But knowing that He is in control makes it easier. Knowing that He is leading the way and carrying us in His arms makes it bearable. Please remember both boys in prayer, but especially Gideon that the bleed will clear up and the doctors will be just as surprised when they repeat the test and find nothing there to report.

Great Visit!

We went to see the boys last night and had a very good visit. They are doing really well! Josiah is getting feeds now! He started at 2 cc's, last night they told us he was getting 4 cc's every 3 hours and today, when I called, they had bumped it up to 8 cc's. I got to check his temperature and change his diaper last night. He had a large poopy diaper! Yea! Josiah is a little stinker and can throw a fit like I've never seen. He had pulled his feeding tube out last night! I don't know about that boy. I'm sure he'll be a tough one! Josiah weighed 2lbs 6ozs last night. Gideon is doing well too. He is at what they consider full feeds, so he'll stay at that for a while to make sure he can tolerate it long-term. He has had all of his IV's taken out! Yea! He weighed 1lb 15ozs last night. He was still under the phototherapy light last night, but they have taken him off that this morning. Today was first day back at school for everyone except Isaac. He is getting some Mommy time today! I think Mommy will be exhausted by the end of the day:-)

Sunday's visit

We had a very good visit with the boys yesterday. They are looking bigger already. Gideon finally hit the 2lb mark!!! Both boys have not had to be under the phototherapy light in a while, but I just talked to the nurses today and Gideon had to get back under his. Gideon is doing so much better on his oxygen. He is eating very well (15cc's every 3 hours). Yesterday they even had a pacifier in his bed with him. It looked as big as his head, but he was able to suck on the tip of it. The nurse said he was rooting around and that seemed to calm him. Still haven't gotten to touch him, but hopefully won't be much longer. Josiah was stirred up yesterday. His nurse told us he gets very upset when he has a wet diaper and wants it changed immediately! Boy, oh boy, he is in for a rude awakening when he comes home to the Stanley house! We believe in getting our money's worth out of those diapers!! Josiah was being a little toot yesterday. Before I left he got VERY upset and was pitching a fit---he would have been screaming, and he was waving his arms and kicking his feet. All of this made his oxygen level drop so the nurse had to adjust his levels. He was not a happy camper. I did get to touch Josiah yesterday. The nurse let me put my arms in his bed and hold his head in my hand and rest my other hand on his chest. Yes, his little head fit in the palm of my hand. He really enjoyed that and it calmed him down for the moment. Hopefully he will get to start eating again in a couple of days. Please pray for us as the kids go back to school Wednesday that we will figure out some sort of routine for visiting the boys and managing things here as well.